there’s no creative name for just another workout

Wednesday afternoon my dad took me with him to the MAC again. I love this old club for no good reason.

CrossFitters only pretend they are “eleeet” athletes. At this club they live “eleeet,” though not in an athletic sense. I think they imagine themselves the elite of Portland’s social life. The only elite level athletes in there yesterday were 19-22 year old college-level athletes home for Christmas break, most likely footballers and lacrosse players. Oh and I saw a couple of others too… there was a visiting lonely CrossFitter (tattooed arms, big and ripped, Vibram five fingers, getting ready to deadlift… had to be one, right?)… and an older, fit guy, wearing a Stanford Rowing t-shirt.

The weight room is labelled the “exercise and conditioning” room… the vast bulk of it is cardio machines of course. But they do have a lone olympic platform and ancient bumper plates, two squat racks, and a bad-ass selection of dumbbells and pre-loaded barbells; it’s an old-school club.

Anyway, I did an abbreviated, vacation version of my normal Wednesday workout. Here it is:

Warm-Up: 5 minutes on the Airdyne.

Mobility: Hips, Hams, Quads, Calves, Shoulders.

Deadlift: 10 x 45 / 5 x 135 / 3 x 225 / 1 x 260 / 1 x 275 / 5 x 280. My body put out an unbelievable quantity of adrenaline during this session. More than enough to finish my set. I did these on the Oly Platform. Which at this club has a ridiculous sign warning people not to drop weights from above the knees. All the bench press stations and their inclined and declined variants surround the oly platform. And the MAC patrons, well, the college athletes anyway, were applying thier chiseled triceps to the bench press, moving their 135s and 185s and so on. I tried to console myself that I may be doughy and old, but at least I’m moving more weight than anyone else in here. (And yes, John Duncan, I know I deadlift at the level of an infant mouse with Parkinson’s disease.)

Supersets of Squat and Press: next I went to the squat rack and set up for some light, higher volume squats. With these, I am trying to grease the groove for better form in my heavy squats. I moved quickly between the pre-loaded barbells in the free-weights area and the squat rack to super-set squats and press.

Squats: 5 x 8 x 95 lbs (cf. last Wed., 4 x 8).

Press: 5 x 45 lbs / 3 x 5 x 65 lbs (cf. last Wed. 3 x 5 x 60).

So the supersets started and ended with squat, and I pressed in-between sets.

Whew! That was almost a conditioning workout! I actually sweated.

Then, I grabbed my dad’s jumprope and set out to do an ambitious conditioning session, which I aborted after only a couple of rounds, because I hadn’t slept the night before, and yada yada yada, anyway I was already feeling spent:

3 rounds: 100 single unders, 6 push-ups.

Cool down.

At the MAC they have a very hot, thick-as-pea-soup steam-room, and an outstanding Norwegian Sauna. They also supply Osage Rub at the sinks. This stuff is marketed as an after-shave cooler; but I use it on my elbows, shoulders, and knee. It’s like liquid Icy-Hot. It starts out as nothing and then a few minutes later feels like you have a painted-on icepack. If you haven’t tried that after a workout… I recommend it. It’s a miracle.


  1. WTF? John Duncan reads your blog? Mazel Tov, Matthew, on your addition of another reader!

  2. No John doesn’t read my blog. That was an inside joke for you Cohen. Happy Chanukah!

  3. Thanks buddy…miss you!

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